Stop or Go?

As 2018 was drawing to a close, I began to ask the Lord if there was a word to keep in front of me in 2019.  The word that continually came to my mind was a simple one: Go. 

I was sure I had misunderstood because I wanted a word that seemed more inspiring.  Dream. Believe. Faith. Promise.  I don’t know what I was hoping for exactly, but the word “go” wasn’t it..  I wasn’t mistaken that I had heard it though, so I began to pray about what the theme of “Go” was going to mean for me in 2019.

Or, was I mistaken?  As January began, it seemed like everything began to shift.  My motivations started out strong, but suddenly I couldn’t sustain any momentum.  Everything in me felt weak and depleted. I’d been able to hide it pretty well up until that point, but I knew I was broken.  I knew deep inside that I had been ignoring the need to stop and rest. 

My body felt sick and weak.  Among other things, I had either the flu or an autoimmune disease flare-up.  I couldn’t function properly and I knew my body needed rest.  I was forced to slow down my pace of life.  My evenings didn’t feel quite as accomplished, but I also had time to do puzzles while watching a movie or to drink tea and read a book.  The rest I was seeking wasn’t about being lazy or sleeping more.  It was a deliberate slowing down, putting off the things that could wait another day or another week.  I found moments where my mind wasn’t constantly planning my next move.

It was more than physical rest, though.  I knew what I needed more than anything else was a deep rest for my soul.  I needed a Sabbath.  A shift in my mentality that would not just allow space for rest each week, but would actually prioritize it.  My typical schedule right now doesn’t allow for me to take a whole day off from working, whether it’s working my job or working around the house.  I’m not saying I know how to do this perfectly or even the best way to do it.  I simply know that the hours I set aside on a Sunday afternoon and throughout the week give me life.

The rhythm of rest makes sense when you compare it to the unforced rhythms of nature.  Everything is seasonal.  There is no living thing that is expected to produce fruit all year long.  Even though everything appears to be dead or dormant, things are happening behind the scenes.  Winter is necessary because it is this season that makes way for new growth and life that comes in the spring.

The rhythm of rest within me is really no different.  Everything is seasonal.  Some seasons look like hit-the-ground-running, hard work, and labor intensive.  It looks like a full calendar and lots of commitments.  Other seasons look a lot more like saying no to the extra things, clearing space on your calendar, and sitting down to read in the evening guilt free. 

Here’s the truth: There will always be something else that needs to be done.  There will always be another load of laundry, another meal to cook, another thing to tidy up, clean, or put away.  Setting aside intentional time to rest doesn’t mean you are looking to neglect those things that need to be done, but taking a more balanced approach to rest instead.  The load of laundry will wait in the dryer for me to fold it another day.  I’m choosing rest when my soul needs it most.

I’m learning to recognize the seasons of the soul, learning what the need for rest feels like.   I’m learning to rest more intentionally as I seek the Lord in these times.  I’m not saying all these things to tell you that I know how to do this perfectly.  I don’t know how this story ends.  I don’t know what the pursuit of rest looks like for me long term or how this will change over time.  I’m only telling you that it is necessary.  In order to be able “go,” I had to stop and rest first. 

So tell me, do you prioritize rest?  What season do you find your own life to be in right now?